I was very much into it when I was younger. The whole ‘Believing in God’ aspect is a very easy impression to impose on a child, that is willing to believe why anything is the way it is. I suppose thinking that there is an all powerful being watching everything all the time, could scare a boy into believing everyday.
There was a time that I couldn’t sleep on one side of my bed. It lasted all through to the time I finally moved out of the house. It wasn’t because I was uncomfortable physically, but rather about a ghost story.
I think it was at a friends house, when we were sharing stories in a dark basement trying to scare each other. The friend at the time, brought up the tale of the ‘Phantom Lake’ Phantom. It was a lake/park in between Creighton and Flin Flon that had a popular ghost story which was always shared around youth… Because how else would it get such a name? I can’t remember it completely, perhaps even at all, but I remember being afraid of the idea that there is a phantom spooking around some rubble, close to the rim of the lake.
That night I had a nightmare. The phantom found out I heard the story and threatened to destroy everything. As I was running away from it, the ground opening up from underneath me, and I fell into a fiery abyss.
I woke up spooked to all hell. A sudden feeling that it was watching me just outside my window. It convinced me that if I were to fall asleep facing said window, the phantom would notice me and ignite the world into flames.
I knew it was irrational, even as I was getting older. Though for some reason I couldn’t shake that feeling in my mind every time I would lay down to sleep. Strangely it was a fear that only stayed in that room, as every other bed beside every other window was completely rational. So when I moved out, I felt free to sleep in any comfortable way I wanted.
I guess from my experience, the only times I’ve ever developed belief for something, was when I was deathly afraid of it. Not that my church ever attempted putting the ‘fear of god’ into me, but there’s a strange hostility in the bible itself (at least from the old testament) that doesn’t make you want to question it as a child. I would use that to always ask for help from god in the strangest places. Like good grades, or the family station-wagon driving down a prairie highway, during a severe thundershower.
Where I sit now, my beliefs changed from spiritual things to real people. Between the two, real people are a hell of a lot harder to believe in. I think we all just stop at some point, and constantly doubt each other in what we do, and how we live our lives.
But I’d rather not doubt, because I know how strong of a tool belief is. If I believe that I’m going to die facing a bedroom window thanks to ghosts, then I know I can believe in a real person no matter how dire a situation is. If you get them long enough they’ll get you, even if it takes forever. Believing in anything is what keeps a person going, and that’s probably all you really need.
Long story short… Don’t stop believin’ is a pretty good song.