Shia LaBeouf is probably an actual cannibal.

He wakes up groggy, after another late night of typing ‘I AM NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE’ over and over again in his twitter feed. He’s done this for some time thanks to the ever leering public, that keeps reminding him that he’s screwing up.

This morning he tries something different.

‘WHY DO SEAGULLS FLY OVER THE SEA?’… submit.

Shia gets up from the pool of his own sweat that was once a bed and puts on a nearby t-shirt. He gurgles orange juice in his mouth that’s been sitting outside of the fridge since Wednesday. Dips a tooth brush into a bottle of Jack Daniels and proceeds to brush his teeth.

He’s a busy person today. Continue reading